What to Do When Your Child Refuses to Go to School: A Mental Health Perspective

Parenting & Family SupportChild & Adolescent Mental Health
Written By Ana Eldridge

It starts as a stomachache. Then, “I don’t want to go.” Tears. Panic. Maybe even anger. If your child is refusing to go to school, you’re not alone—and it’s not just about discipline.

School refusal is often rooted in anxiety, fear of separation, bullying, or trauma. As a child psychologist who works with Latino families, I want to walk you through what this really means—and how to help.

1. Understand What’s Beneath the Behavior

Children rarely refuse school “just because.” They may be struggling with:

  • Separation anxiety (common in younger kids)

  • Social anxiety or bullying

  • Academic stress or undiagnosed learning issues

  • Immigration-related fears (like worrying about a parent being taken away)

Instead of asking “How do I make them go?” try asking “What are they trying to tell me?”

2. Look for Signs of Emotional Distress

Your child might:

  • Complain of frequent headaches or nausea

  • Cry or panic before school

  • Sleep poorly on school nights

  • Seem angry or irritable for no clear reason

If these patterns continue for more than a week, it’s worth digging deeper.

3. What You Can Do

  • Stay calm and empathetic
    Validate your child’s feelings. “I see this is hard for you. We’re going to figure it out together.”

  • Create a morning routine with structure
    Consistency builds safety. Use a calm tone and predictable steps.

  • Use gradual exposure
    If anxiety is intense, work with your child and a therapist to slowly ease them back into school in small steps.

  • Work with the school
    Let teachers or counselors know what’s going on. You’re not alone, and they may be able to offer support or adjustments.

4. When to Get Professional Help

If school refusal lasts more than a few days or gets worse, reach out. Therapy can help your child:

  • Learn coping skills

  • Feel more confident

  • Understand and express their feelings in a safe way

At Vida Collective, we offer bilingual, trauma-informed counseling for children and families. We work with you—not against you—to help your child return to school with confidence.

Final Thoughts

School refusal is not a failure—it’s a message. And with the right support, your child can get back on track emotionally and academically.

Click here to schedule a session or give us a call to learn more about how we can help your child feel safe, supported, and ready for school again.

Ana Eldridge
Next

How to Talk to Your Kids About Immigration: A Guide for Latino Families in the U.S.